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How do I know God's will for getting married?

Submitted: 8/28/2006
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Question: For the last four and a half months I have been geting to know a man in the church. We are both adults and pretty close in age. We have even talked about marriage. We are spending the next 6 months only talking at church and focusing on getting closer to God. I want to make sure that it is God's will for us to get any more serious with each other. We have prayed and asked God to bring us together, but how will I know that it is God's will? And if it is God's will, and we decide to continue on together, how much premarital counseling do you think a couple needs? Thanks.

Answer: As in any major life decision, you should seek counsel from other mature spiritual people. Proverbs 11:14 says, 'Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.' It is not the function of your 'counselors' to tell you what to do or not to do. But they can be very helpful in bringing up additional considerations that you may not have thought about.

In the end, if there are no obvious reasons why you cannot (or should not) get marraied, and you and the man feel good about it along with other trusted friends and family members, then you can be confident that God would feel good about it as well. What often clouds good judgment in the marriage decision is out-of-control emotions. It seems as though you are following a wise pathway by limiting your contact with each other and focusing on your relationship with God. During this time you should be praying that He will show you if there are any reasons why you should not marry this man.

As for premarriage counseling, that would vary depending on the needs and experience of the couple. We recommend erring on the side of too much counseling rather than not enough. A primary purpose of premarriage counseling is to bring up areas of concern for discussion before the wedding so that there will be as few surprises as possible after the wedding. We suggest you discuss premarriage counseling at the appropriate time with your spiritual leaders.